hmm. I also felt intense pressure to conform, and wrote many poems about it. I am a round person who cannot fit in a square hole. So i am very lonely on one level. I would not lie about my beliefs. people will not admit it, but they Want you to LIE to them, to say you agree with their faiths. I admire you ability to stay true. it is more difficult than most can even fathom. I wonder why, simple being honest with people has to hurt so much? What is so terrible about being authentic? What are they afraid of? Anyway, beautiful post.

Expand full comment

A story from the aboriginal dreaming - a mother bundles up her baby and leaves camp to gather food. She travels far. She finds a bush with berries, puts her child down in the shade and picks berries to fill her bag. She is happy. To gather more berries she goes to another bush. She keeps going on to find more food for herself and her baby. Years pass. Many years pass. She remembers her child that she left in the shade. “Oh, my poor baby!” She cries. She travels a great distance back to where she left the child. She finds the babies bassinet. She sees the tracks of a baby crawling. She follows the tracks and they become the tracks of a boy walking. She follows the tracks, that become the tracks of an adult man. She looks up and in the distance she sees a camp with a fire and a strong young man. He is surrounded by boomerangs and he is busy making a new boomerang.

She runs to him crying “my baby, my baby!” He walks towards her. When she reaches up to hug him, he picks up a stone and smashed her head. She dies. He goes back to his camp.

This is an ancient lesson about what happens when parents become purely consumers/workers and providers/producers and neglect the affection and joy of children. It was a warning then, and it is a warning today. Tell me who’s going to cry a single tear when a Clinton, Bush, Obama, Soros dies? My mother cried when Kennedy died. Six year old me didn’t know why she’d cry for a man killed thousands of miles away.

Nuff for now. I love your spirit.

Expand full comment
Jan 28, 2023Liked by Tessa Lena

I resonate with this so much!

Expand full comment

Thank you, Klangwelt!!

Expand full comment



Expand full comment

You are very kind, thank you!! xo

Expand full comment

How about you ask yourself what is it that you are trying to say?

Expand full comment

UK, clapping.says it all

Expand full comment

UK Clapping, says it all.....

Expand full comment


If you conformed to the main stream narrative, I would not read your comments.

Perhaps, you have not lost your soul. Maybe, this is the first time that you are asking yourself what it means to even have a soul??? This conversation is not one that most people are having at the present moment. They have to go deeper in order to find the answers.

I am presently reading some spirituality on the mystics. They too did not fit in and probably wondered, hey maybe it's me that's wrong????? No, it is not you is my answer.

Continue to love and listen to everyone's story. Some are lost and others are confused. Remember, we were there at one time ourselves.

The world needs people like ourselves.....the gentle and loving people who will Never be successful in life.

The center of the soul is bigger than the greed of the powerful. "They", do not want "us" to realize that. Guess what.......it's too late......we already know that love is more powerful than any other force.

Walk softly and speak confidently. Peace.

Expand full comment

I think I can relate to this (sorry that is the INTP in me speaking).

How much of conformity is driven by the desire to please people? When you are young you try to please your family and friends to receive love and later in life you learn to appease the social constructs around you to avoid refection and pain.

One of the harshest life lessons that I had to learn was that in trying to please everyone you ultimately please no one. What is far worse; you lose yourself in the process.

Most children show signs of true genius, but as society has no need for wild geniuses they make sure that these talents never flourish. Society makes sure that we grow up to conform.

Not all hope is lost though.

There is one essence of the child in me that was never beaten out of me - A childlike curiosity for the every day wonders in this world.

That will make you a loner at times. But being alone with your thoughts can be such sweet sorrow.

Expand full comment

https://caitlinjohnstone.com/2020/12/22/prison-is-neoliberalisms-social-safety-net-notes-from-the-edge-of-the-narrative-matrix/ 33 Comments : Tessa Fights Robots on ​Conformism (She ain’t one) + https://tessa.substack.com/p/proud-intellectual?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=cta ++ https://getpocket.com/explore/item/romantic-regimes?utm_source=pocket-newtab --> Polina Aronson Lecturer in sociology, Alice Salomon University of Applied Sciences is a sociologist and the debate editor of open Democracy Russia. She was born in St Petersburg and lives in Berlin, and is working on a book about perceptions of love in Russia and in the West. FYI

Expand full comment

Heavy chemtrail on the opening to the music video.

Hey, it keeps coming back.

But it's not soul...

I saw a little bird go by and it was over.

Expand full comment

The bird was there on purpose!

Expand full comment

By inference, so was the heavy chemtrail.

Expand full comment

Another slam-dunk, Tessa! And thank you for sharing your horrific story of how it came to be that you interfaced with the machine. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

As for the intellectuals, here's my two cents:

The target in this psyop battlefield is humanity. The elite have weapons of mass propaganda that we don't even know about and yet hourly are being assaulted by in very sophisticated ways.

The educated classes (primarily the liberal left) have been purposefully targeted because theoretically they could/should be our greatest defense against mental manipulation.

Instead, they have been lobotomized by neutron-bomb style weaponry which leaves their intellectual faculties intact, but reduces their critical thinking to that of educated fools, ripe for emotional messaging such as Covid fear porn and Trump Derangement Syndrome.

Expand full comment

Thank you Cat! So true and so sad. I have historically associated myself with the "liberal" crowd (In quotes because I hate labels of any sort), and the meltdown of straight thinking has been frustrating and surreal to watch over the past 5 years. It's like, human nature is human nature, and people react to artificially induced stress according to human nature, unless pre-trained to deflect bullshit.

Expand full comment

I have been a leftist since I was teething. We have not changed, Tessa. The liberal-left has.

Now for some, this Upton Sinclair quote applies, "It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it."    However, many educated people I know are truly good people who care about humanity and want to do the right thing. But in the re-education camps -- aka the universities (if not all the way down to kindergarten) -- our overlords have channeled the thinking classes into being overly intellectual, overly mind oriented, overly pre-frontal cortex heavy. That made it easy to hijack their "hearts" by going for the jugular so to speak, i.e., their emotions, the limbic reptilian brain where fear resides.

I am coming very close to believing that our peers have been overtaken by an insidious form of mind control that in its ultimate form is satanic, as bizarre as that may sound. There is just no logical rationale for Ph.D.s or medical doctors, for example, with all their rational skills to not be able to accurately assess the obvious.

Even though the marionetteers of the liberal-left Democrat forces are hellbent on taking humanity down a soul-destroying collision course, I believe "our side" has 4 hallmarks that indicate we will ultimately prevail (hopefully in my lifetime):

* Truth (the evidentiary facts)

* Patriotism (love and respect for our home -- our country)

* Spirituality (belief in God, Spirit, Allah, Grandmother Spiderwoman -- the universal divine)

* Common sense (the ability to be an independent thinker)

Here's a very uplifting interview (especially toward the end) with Sherry Tenpenny, Christiane Northrup, and Delores Cahill that inspires us to stay strong.


Keep up your great writing, Tessa. You are a beautiful truthteller. :-)

Expand full comment

Thank you Cat, and thank you for your courage!!

Expand full comment

Tashi Delek, Tessa.

It was hard for me to read that long first link, but I did read it and did feel while I read it, and I'm sorry and I'm proud of you.

I followed this conversation with Cat, because Cat is my friend and half of the coolest identical twins I know.

When I used to read history I could not understand why people, nations, did crazy stuff. Now I am beginning to understand. It is a mass insanity, a crowd consciousness that goes around some kind of lizard-brain bend, while the frontal lobes keep saying, "I'm in charge here. I meant to do that. This is perfectly logical."

People who get into the energy at big football games are used to tuning to this frequency. I could never stand that vibe. I don't believe I am protected from what is well underway, but I am not swimming blind.

Neither are you.

Namaste' , Sister.

Expand full comment

Thank you John!! And yeah, I am starting to better understand the "Soviet adults" I knew as a kid. Back then, as a teen especially, I couldn't understand why the adults were choosing to be so sad and generally unhappy, and now that I am looking at the beginning of the movie that makes people sad in this particular way over a generation or two, I feel far kinder.

Expand full comment

Lately I have let myself acknowledge my loneliness. (Yet I am not totally on my own. I live with my beautiful lover who is decades younger than I. But there is little connection beyond that. We become a failed business entity of two, alone again.)

I wish there was a wholesome way that I COULD conform. That I could be a part of SOMETHING and not a lonely failed business entity. There are two supposedly opposing machines.

The other side of the communinst conformity state is conforming to the reaction of the Ayn Rand rugged individualist business world free-market concept.

I look back at my own life at that moment of liberation from what was in the childhood structure that I had to go along with. This was a civilization in northern Ohio, my father a high school dropout steel mill worker, my mother a clerical worker. The schools seemed mostly designed to produce football players and soldiers for the Vietnam war. I hated it and essentially didn’t participate. I did not want to conform to that. But there was the television and another world presented that I did wish to be part of. I was a good looking white boy with some potential. I got in local community theater and there I was a bit of a star and found something I wanted to conform with.

(You say as a teenager you rebelled. Did that rebellion contain that possibility of using your assents to stardom, finding comfort in and protection from the loneliness of rebellion in that? I think this was my experience.)

Later, right after high school I had a group of friends. We were all young and we had interesting substances we took together that helped us bond, LSD and pot.

I conformed in 1970 as a Yippie. As part of a Movement that was righteous.

But after all that failed, feel apart, was defeated, I drifted into more individualism, which is the core lesson of our commercial society

So as not to go on and on here, what I am trying to say is that the choice we are presented with is conformity to consumerism or STARDOM. The stardom being an entity that others want to bond with because of personal power or success. Stardom or business success. The stardom can be business type, the Trump entities or wannabes. Or even a sort of spiritual stardom, the guru, of the cult leader like Keith Rainere. Or I guess the rock star. These as essentially the same, lost lonely damaged boys(aand some girls I guess and some gender nutural) gatthering others around them to praise or fuck them when they feel empty and need a boost.

Where is the wholesome hunter-gatherer tribe? Where is the team human? I have no fucking idea at this point. I don’t know where I fit in or if I even can even bring myself to want to fit in.

I just watch the clock run out and hold out hope of ultimate reentry.

Expand full comment

"Self-importance is man’s greatest enemy. What weakens him is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of his fellow men. Self-importance requires that one spend most of one’s life offended by something or someone."

- Don Juan Matus


"Resist not evil." - Jesus Christ

Dwelling on how other people think and act and feeling offended by them and their actions only results in giving your power to them, instead of retaining your power for yourself.

That is why humility is essential. Realizing that we are just tiny specks of slightly conscious animated protoplasm in a vast incomprehensible Universe. But we are also spirit. Spirit is where magic resides.

Expand full comment

Good theory Tessa. Keep up the good work. You are a woke wordsmith.

Expand full comment
Dec 18, 2020Liked by Tessa Lena

You grew up in Moscow.

So you know about pressure to conform.

Expand full comment