That is a most beautiful story, so wonderfully expressed. Most of us have had extreme situations and they are the very best teachers: you come out that extremity and do what you know you must do.
Love your work, and your loving attitude, Tessa. Being bombed on a ship in 1982, rescuing my shipmates from their sinking ships and crouching under my desk waiting for an Exocet to hit - which didn't - were my most extreme moments. This was my 'it's time to be kind' wake up call ⏰️
I learned in Galveston Bay, in 1986, just before graduating med school, that life and death are in the hands of God, and that we are required to do our best, not to argue that we did our best.
As I entered my first year as a doctor, as an intern, I did my best.
The lady who would have drowned and I both lived after a couple of hours of being in that situation.
20 years later we visited her and her kids and husband in Hungary, with our kids.
Tessa where is my bundle of secrets? did i leave them at the corner of 9th and ave c? did the army of infiltrators in the neighborhood get to them before i could go back? have you seen them? ;)
I love how you frame things and encourage uplifting thought, Tessa! I intend to slumber with these thoughts in mind and see where I'm led.. I've got some inklings, but further to go......Thank you!
We're designed to deal with extreme situations. We have an infinite number of internal mechanisms to adapt our behavior, and then through epigenes to adapt our offspring. If we entirely deprive ourselves of extreme situations, most of our immune system and sensory system atrophies. The brain has little janitor cells who go through the building every night sweeping up neurons that aren't active.
Obviously we shouldn't play the thrill-seeking game, contriving unnatural extreme situations; but we need to stay open to natural extremes. No glasses, no muzzles, minimal adaptive equipment.
Not sure if it’s part of our soul toolkit or not but I tend to think that dealing with uncertainty is a learned skill from childhood. How/if you learned to solve problems and deal with consequences will determine how you deal with extremes. Extremes just accelerate learning. And the more you survive the more reflexive it becomes. Most people have difficulty dealing with uncertainty. So they fear and avoid those situations. Fear and not having a developed coping mechanism results in potentially counter-productive actions in extreme circumstances. But it’s pretty amazing that if you survive it works out positively.
Looking back I have a hard time even recalling extremes because I just brushed them off and moved on. Sinking sailboats, motorcycle racing accidents, cancer are just life experiences now. Rational and calm reactions to high pressure environments was a skill that was recognized and rewarded in my career. I was always given tasks that had a high possibility of going south if not dealt with calmly. Managers don’t like dealing with problems and aftermaths. Some of the time in that past life I was a chief test engineer on machines that were designed to push boundaries. So dealing with extremes was generally part of the job description. Once we were testing a prototype that the company had staked its future on. Testing was going well so executive management decided to get bold and shoot for a milestone that we weren’t scheduled to achieve on that unit. In fact it wasn’t design to do it. I emphatically warned that it wasn’t a good idea and if we failed we would not achieve our other objectives with the unit and likely set the whole program back to where we would lose the competitive opportunity. To which they replied do it anyway. No risk no reward. The big event came with me as the test conductor and a test cell full of executives. I repeated to all this is a bad idea but they persisted. I executed calmly, achieved the goal, and shut it down. The whole time thinking this thing is going to destroy itself any second. They all shook hands and slapped each other on the back and left. It was shift change so I left instructions for the night engineer. Inspections and non-stressing test runs. He started the unit and it instantly grenaded. I got a call at home from a freaked out engineer (him thinking both our careers were over). I told him to start picking up the pieces and I’d see him in the morning. When I came in he had all the help one would ever want. He asked why was I so calm. I said we did our job as expected and he just got a ticket to the executive suite. I explained it wasn’t what happened that was bad, the company learned for a better product, and the failure would not be remembered but his name would. He’s now a high level executive with the company.
and this reminder was so uplifting. Even without all the metaphors I would have loved it, but the comparison to extreme sports, as just one example, really added weight to this truth.
my extreme situations, are beyond most people's ken. after the first few i was still loving and forgiving, but this really hurt me in the later ones. so, um, i am not forgiving. i am kind, but then i observe. the surprise quality that has stood every test? lightheartdness. never let them take your sense of humor. if you can crack a joke at the very moment of death, you remain unconquered.
That is a most beautiful story, so wonderfully expressed. Most of us have had extreme situations and they are the very best teachers: you come out that extremity and do what you know you must do.
Love your work, and your loving attitude, Tessa. Being bombed on a ship in 1982, rescuing my shipmates from their sinking ships and crouching under my desk waiting for an Exocet to hit - which didn't - were my most extreme moments. This was my 'it's time to be kind' wake up call ⏰️
I learned in Galveston Bay, in 1986, just before graduating med school, that life and death are in the hands of God, and that we are required to do our best, not to argue that we did our best.
As I entered my first year as a doctor, as an intern, I did my best.
The lady who would have drowned and I both lived after a couple of hours of being in that situation.
20 years later we visited her and her kids and husband in Hungary, with our kids.
Everybody got along fine.
Tessa where is my bundle of secrets? did i leave them at the corner of 9th and ave c? did the army of infiltrators in the neighborhood get to them before i could go back? have you seen them? ;)
even if not, thanks for being a good influence
Yes. Walk through the fire and you come out the other side cleansed. Or you may.
I love how you frame things and encourage uplifting thought, Tessa! I intend to slumber with these thoughts in mind and see where I'm led.. I've got some inklings, but further to go......Thank you!
Being grateful is part of wisdom. Good for you!
We're designed to deal with extreme situations. We have an infinite number of internal mechanisms to adapt our behavior, and then through epigenes to adapt our offspring. If we entirely deprive ourselves of extreme situations, most of our immune system and sensory system atrophies. The brain has little janitor cells who go through the building every night sweeping up neurons that aren't active.
Obviously we shouldn't play the thrill-seeking game, contriving unnatural extreme situations; but we need to stay open to natural extremes. No glasses, no muzzles, minimal adaptive equipment.
Not sure if it’s part of our soul toolkit or not but I tend to think that dealing with uncertainty is a learned skill from childhood. How/if you learned to solve problems and deal with consequences will determine how you deal with extremes. Extremes just accelerate learning. And the more you survive the more reflexive it becomes. Most people have difficulty dealing with uncertainty. So they fear and avoid those situations. Fear and not having a developed coping mechanism results in potentially counter-productive actions in extreme circumstances. But it’s pretty amazing that if you survive it works out positively.
Looking back I have a hard time even recalling extremes because I just brushed them off and moved on. Sinking sailboats, motorcycle racing accidents, cancer are just life experiences now. Rational and calm reactions to high pressure environments was a skill that was recognized and rewarded in my career. I was always given tasks that had a high possibility of going south if not dealt with calmly. Managers don’t like dealing with problems and aftermaths. Some of the time in that past life I was a chief test engineer on machines that were designed to push boundaries. So dealing with extremes was generally part of the job description. Once we were testing a prototype that the company had staked its future on. Testing was going well so executive management decided to get bold and shoot for a milestone that we weren’t scheduled to achieve on that unit. In fact it wasn’t design to do it. I emphatically warned that it wasn’t a good idea and if we failed we would not achieve our other objectives with the unit and likely set the whole program back to where we would lose the competitive opportunity. To which they replied do it anyway. No risk no reward. The big event came with me as the test conductor and a test cell full of executives. I repeated to all this is a bad idea but they persisted. I executed calmly, achieved the goal, and shut it down. The whole time thinking this thing is going to destroy itself any second. They all shook hands and slapped each other on the back and left. It was shift change so I left instructions for the night engineer. Inspections and non-stressing test runs. He started the unit and it instantly grenaded. I got a call at home from a freaked out engineer (him thinking both our careers were over). I told him to start picking up the pieces and I’d see him in the morning. When I came in he had all the help one would ever want. He asked why was I so calm. I said we did our job as expected and he just got a ticket to the executive suite. I explained it wasn’t what happened that was bad, the company learned for a better product, and the failure would not be remembered but his name would. He’s now a high level executive with the company.
Your column comes at a perfect moment. I am 36% through the writing of a book (novel) tangential to this. Delicious! Thanks.
This makes sense. 💗
Yes! Beautifully expressed! Agree completely,
and this reminder was so uplifting. Even without all the metaphors I would have loved it, but the comparison to extreme sports, as just one example, really added weight to this truth.
“Keep thy mind in hell and despair not.”
- St. Silouan
my extreme situations, are beyond most people's ken. after the first few i was still loving and forgiving, but this really hurt me in the later ones. so, um, i am not forgiving. i am kind, but then i observe. the surprise quality that has stood every test? lightheartdness. never let them take your sense of humor. if you can crack a joke at the very moment of death, you remain unconquered.