This is the letter from 2021 to the now grown children of the pandemic. What inspired me was my own journey as I was trying to understand myself, and the Soviet generations that came before me, and how they were harmed so badly, and how they passed their confusions to their own children, and then the children’s children, out of love, thinking that they protecting them and teaching them “how to be a better person.” It took me years to understand what I was running away from, what was making me feel alone, what I was rebelling against, and why I was so angry at their sadness. It is not an easy journey but I believe that the only way is to forgive and heal. Walking a human path is not an easy thing, and we need to learn from each other and help each other grow, with love.
First, please watch the video. I don’t know the artist but I found it striking.
And now the letter.
I know it hurts.
The adults really betrayed you.
The tears of betrayal are coming down your face, and the grief of the entire world is burning your soul that never deserved to be betrayed.
You didn’t do anything bad to them, you trusted them, and they taught you nonsense when you were vulnerable and open. You wanted to be accepted, you wanted to run around—and all they gave you was anxiety and eternal loneliness.
Your soul. No one saw your soul. Instead, they told you to put a mask on and not touch your friends.
They infected you with deprivation.
You even hugged yourself when no one saw you.
You have a memory…. it felt so lonely, so scary, and no one understood.
You were afraid that somebody would die, you felt guilty that it was your fault somehow, and you were alone.
You spent years trying to run away from the feeling of not belonging, until it hit you how you became the way you are.
And now, your tears are just coming out.
They fucked you up.
They betrayed you without even realizing they were doing it. They insisted on your spiritual defeat because they were themselves defeated, and they were afraid for you to be in a space they didn’t know. They wanted to protect you from unpredictability.
You feel let down so undeservedly, betrayed by the very people who were supposed to love you, touch you, and celebrate you for who you are.
It’s not your fault. None of it is your fault.
You are okay now.
They really thought they were protecting you, they harmed you but they did it out of stupidity. They didn’t know how else to love you. They really meant well.
Please forgive them.
You are okay. Cry now, and feel accepted by the universe.
Now they are old, and still stuck in some of their ways. Please forgive them. There is meaning in all of this, and you are strong enough to forgive them and be whole again.
Please forgive them with your heart. They, too, were harmed, and they simply loved you the best they could, imperfectly but with complete devotion.
It was fucked up but it was love.
You are whole.