52 Comments

Sadly there are many abusive people now. They are encouraged daily to scold others.

All of us get one life. Why live a lie?

It is better to surround yourself with the things and people that bring you happiness.

I read your story about your relationship long ago. That is crazy and I am sorry you had to go through that. My oldest sister died at age 48, She was married to a mentally abusive person.

Well, there is a reason why some people are abusive. Isn't it about control of others?

The one thing you mentioned in your story about your relationship, what how he used to carefully plan certain things. This reminds me of my son in law. I have learned over the past few years that he is controlling. He is not physically abusive to my daughter, but he is controlling.

.... oh I could go on and on but I won't

My daughter (my youngest) has many similarities to my older sister's nature. I am quite the opposite.

I have not seen my grand babies or my daughter for 10 months now. All because my son in law became "disgusted" with an email I sent him about Dr Malone, and also one about retinal inflammation. Boy wow, he cut me right off. shame on me

Expand full comment
author

Oh this is horrible, I am so sorry Rosemary!!! I hope you prevail and in the end, your daughter and grandchildren come to your side of things, and see how ridiculous this is! Sending you big hugs

Expand full comment

thank you dear friend. I know my daughter well. She was not like this before she was married. hubbs and I talk about how on earth we "missed" this before they married.

Elizabeth is way too busy to feel "abused" but she has had "disagreements" that she shared with me. Jerome is stubborn. He grew up in a military family. His father was some kind of fighter pilot or something, and his mother was also military not sure what did, but they are both interesting people, quite different than hubbs and me. -- all of that said, I think Jerome's mother is the controlling one. I believe Jerome learned this behavior from his mother. Shunning is a behavior in Jeromes family, but his mother specifically,.. some of the stories are saddening.

Anyway, I was greatly touched by your story. All of us are dealing with bizarre people.

Not to "drone on and on" but according to my sister in law., I am also "a stupid lying fu--ing bitch" too. So, there is that.

Expand full comment

Military has NOTHING to do with it I assure you. Sounds like you are trying to link them with it as a reason for their negative behavior.

Expand full comment

no no no no. I am sorry if I made it sound that way. NO

I am not connecting this behavior to their military upbringing. NOT at all

I am sorry

I personally believe.... Jerome's mother grew up in Wisconsin, her dad was some big bank president in town and everyone loved him (must have been early 1960s) Jerome's mother (Libby) was the youngest daughter with three older brothers. She was spoiled and doted on. She is a brilliant person, I like her. However, she has controlling behaviors. She has shut out various family members, her in laws, and all of her brothers. She does not communicate with them at all. I think this is weird behavior.

I guess I was trying to say, in respect to the military family situation is a good thing. I have many many friends that are military retired and all of them are exemplary people. Perhaps that is the apparent contrast with Jerome's parents--- most particularly his mother. I know her well, we spent many days together caring for my youngest daughters babies (before we were shunned) when my daughter was birthing her last baby. the two of us had a blast. We laughed joked.

I think there is a "seed" there in Jerome's mother. She is feisty, strong willed,

all superb qualities, but she plays mental games. Jerome does too now

AND he is controlling

Expand full comment

Happy to read your response. I too believe the military was exemplary. It is changing unfortunately but most people serving are better than average in every way! Wokeness seems to be killing our military these days but the people are not responsible. The Leadership stinks!!!

Expand full comment
Jan 25, 2023Liked by Tessa Lena

Great that you realize he is a narcisstic sociopath...the kids will need you when they get out of the home.

Expand full comment

funny

I recall once, long long long time ago when my older sister Dolley was still alive. We were at mom and dad's place enjoying some festivity, party, and her husband, Shelly was acting like such a jerk, (he acts like a jerk in public too, or yell things to people on the street, really immature)

I jokingly said to him "Wow, if I was married to you, we would be divorced a long time already" LOL I do not know why I said it, and I do not recall his reply.

Just a memory.

Expand full comment

thank you Dutchess for your kind encouragement

Expand full comment

More male narcissist abuse. Yes women are narcs too but only 20%. 80% male pattern here. That's from the literature.

Expand full comment

That’s scary!!!

Expand full comment

You're correct. Abuse by the a nation state or their lackeys is no different than the serial abuse in a personal relationship. Important to never comply. At least that way we can live or die with our decisions to remain free.

Expand full comment
Jan 25, 2023Liked by Tessa Lena

Posting your experiences will hopefully help others to identify similar experiences they may be going through and to realize they need to make a positive change for themselves. I’ve learned we are the masters of our own fate, and it is ultimately up to us to take our own mental and physical health into our own hands.

I recommend Dr Laura Schlessinger to all people. Her shows and books teach you how have healthy relationships.

You’re in my thoughts and prayers, Tessa.

https://www.drlaura.com/about-dr-laura-schlessinger

Expand full comment

Wow! What a story! I’ve always wondered why in a free country people put up with abuse. I have a part of the reason why. Thank you for sharing your terrifying testimony. God bless you with peace and love!

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Ross!! Love back to you!

Expand full comment

i'd say that creep will go down in history as "the idiot who hit Tessa" except that he will be forgotten. what a clown. and your work and your songs will outlast all of us.

i don't listen to a lot of podcasts - other than MLGA :) - but this is meredith miller on jj couey's channel

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1678980869

it's long but worth it, at 37:35 she cites a group of trauma "experts" who coauthored a paper "a trauma approach to vaccine fear" " how to spin it to get trauma survivors who are vaccine hesitant to take the shot" - among the authors are "world renowned trauma experts whom you'd think would be the first to recognize what's going on"

think i might have shared the link for another podcast she did in feb 2020 - unbelievably prophetic - lmk if you want to hear it and i'll try to find it

Expand full comment
author

Thank you!!! I will look for the link!!

Expand full comment

found it! wish i had a transcript. https://meredithmiller.substack.com/p/tis-the-season-for-gaslighting

turning my heart chakra up to 11 and pointing it in your direction XO

Expand full comment
author

Thank you!

Expand full comment
Jan 25, 2023Liked by Tessa Lena

Being gaslight by iatrogenic illness gave me the skills to see through the covid op. And yet others with the same experience did not learn.

Expand full comment
Jan 25, 2023·edited Jan 25, 2023Liked by Tessa Lena

Sooner or later the abusers will realize that they were abused too.

(From https://leftlockdownsceptics.com/alleged-cia-involvement-in-jfk-assassination-goes-mainstream-so-now-what/ )

"And then there is the psychological effect of the Big Lie which is axiomatic in gaslighting. The paradox here is that the bigger the lie, the harder it is for the mind to bridge the gulf between perceived reality and the lie that authority figures are painting as truth. I believe that the prospect of being deceived evinces a primitive emotional response on a par with staring death in the face. We are hard-wired to fear deception because we have evolved to interpret it as an existential threat. That’s why deception can elicit the same emotional response as the miscalculation of a serious physical threat. Lies told to us don’t always bear the same cost as a misjudged red light, but the primitive part of the brain can’t make this distinction and we rely on cerebral mediation for a more appropriate but delayed response. And in the long run, the lie is often just as dangerous as the physical threat. Many government whoppers – ‘safe and effective’ – do cost lives.

To avoid the death-like experience of being deceived, a mental defence is erected to deny that the lie is happening. "

------

Expand full comment
Jan 25, 2023Liked by Tessa Lena

So amazingly well written, researched, and humbly offered - as usual Tessa! I am so grateful for your wisdom and compassion - particularity of yourself and others. I wish you much continued success, love, and peace - and hope your words soar far and wide - and continue to reverberate back to you. Thank you Tessa.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Craig!! Many hugs

Expand full comment

Similar experience. Similar realization during covid restrictions, "Oh, they're just abusers. It's pretty simple really."

Expand full comment

Holy hell. What a story, Tessa. I am sooo glad you survived and are here to interpret the world in your own perfect way. Don’t remember how I found you and your work. But so glad I have. Sending love. 💜💜💜

Expand full comment
author

Thank you!! And sending you love back!! xo

Expand full comment

Thank you for your courage, integrity & clarity of vision Tessa!

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Riff!!

Expand full comment

Just read the extended abuse true crime events. Amazing you made it through all that.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Gregory!! Yes, it was awful. But ended well, luckily!

Expand full comment

I've also been through absurdly ridiculously traumatic events & have chosen to recognise & respect the good in people & to try, where possible to have compassion for people acting out default rationalising narratives or identity that they can't just drop. I like your determination & courage, against great odds, your a sister. Travel well

Expand full comment
author

Hugs, brother Gregory!

Expand full comment
Jan 26, 2023Liked by Tessa Lena

Thank you for this article. It entirely confirms what I believe will save us. Self love and our connection to Source, the Divine, the Great Goddess, how ever you call it. Being connected builds resistance! Again thank you!

Expand full comment

Beautifully written. Thank you Tessa for sharing so openly and authentically. My extended family tried to control me to some degree because I didn't conform to the fundamentalist christian model more than 20 years ago. That was hugely hard for me at the time, but it also was the blueprint for recognizing cult like behavior - shaming, blaming, and exclusion from the "good people club". Now there's cancel culture, which obviously has some similar control tactics. And serious abuse heaped on people who "trangress". I hear it can be very liberating once one gets through the canceling...perhaps you've experienced this too?

Expand full comment

Thank you for this. I escaped from an abusive marriage in January 2020, just in time for the "pandemic". I learned a lot in the three years leading up to my final breakaway. That education in abuse and its tactics was a big part of what enabled me to resist the gaslighting, verbal abuse, and control from government, friends, and family that were soon to follow. So in a way, I'm grateful for the abuse I experienced (though it was probably not nearly as bad as yours, Tessa).

Expand full comment
author

Big hugs!! I know what you mean!

Expand full comment

Isolate, Disorient, Control information inputs, Control thoughts, Control behavior...

:-(

Expand full comment
author

That is how it goes!! For as long as we accept it or allow to throw other people under the bus because they are "not like us.: :(

Expand full comment